Masculin, Féminin

I remember having to watch Jean-Luc Godard’s Masculin, Féminin for a film class during senior year at college. Not a bad movie, although I remember it more for its play on the male-female dynamic rather than anything else.

Of course, this entry has little to do with the film. And everything to do with my view on beautiful differences between men and women.

A little background. Here’s my current reading list –

Let Me Be A Woman by Elisabeth Elliott
Not Even a Hint by Joshua Harris
Just re-read certain parts of John & Stasi Eldrege’s Captivating (I may have to read the whole thing again. The book is just so.. Enlightening)
The Geographer’s Notebook by Jon Fasman
Currently re-reading Neil Gaiman’s Brief Lives

Needless to say, I love to read. At yesterday’s service, I was geeky enough to enthusiastically raise my hand when the pastor asked who among us loved reading books. I should’ve looked around. That’s one of the pre-requisites on my ‘list.’ ;)

ANYWAY, as I said, this entry is my two cents’ worth on the whole male-female thing. Those who knew me from before can tell you that I pretty much used to be a feminist. You know – because I was so against the common perception that women are not as good as men. Of course I was wrong. To say women are not as good as men is wrong. Likewise, saying men aren’t as good as women is also wrong. Because WE ARE DIFFERENT. That is that. How can you even strive to compare the two when they are simply incomparable? That’s why we complement each other so well. :)

Having lived a great part of my life trying to debunk male chauvinism (which, if you ask me, is still wrong), I’ve done lots of scary things. Much of that still affects me today. I have become, to many, a scary b*tch. I acknowledge the fact that people are intimidated by me, although I’ve been trying hard to become more vulnerable and soft (which is not an easy task at all).

So why the shift from feminist to feminine? You see, I’ve recently awakened to the beautiful notion of reveling in one’s womanhood. As Elisabeth Elliott wrote in her book: "a jellyfish glorifies God by being a jellyfish." That really got to me. Why the heck am I trying to be something I’m not? Why can’t I just BE?

Because “times are changing,” as Destruction (of the Endless) in Neil Gaiman’s Brief Lives says. (Which is kinda why I’m reading it again.)

If you review this entire blog (please don’t), you’d probably get a good gauge on how I’ve changed as a person. Seriously. From an angst-ridden girlie-girl to someone who wants to become the woman she was made to be.

Which brings me to.. Reading Let Me Be A Woman. Ask Linny, and she’ll tell you my stand on reading the book. This is the first time that I’ll be reading it 100% willingly. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve always wanted to read it, as an ‘intellectual’ exercise I guess, but to read it because I need the input, the encouragement in my journey into womanhood? (Yeah, yeah. 26 is a bit late in the game. So shoot me.) This is a breakthrough of sorts because I told Linny that I didn’t feel compelled to read it because it was mostly about marriage and that was something I felt didn’t really interest me. Hahaha. I think it was during outreach with Jay when I said something like.. “I’m so happy being gloriously single. I don’t want to get married. What if I end up one being 60 and still saying that?!” Well, no one need worry about that anymore because I feel like God’s trying to tell me something – that I’m being prepared for something bigger than myself. That I WILL get married. That, in time, THAT guy will be presented to me. I look forward to that everyday. :)

By faith, despite not even being remotely with anyone, I know I won’t be alone. I knew it three weeks ago, the moment I fell “in-love” with God. :) Not that I didn’t LOVE God, I do. Always have. But now I feel so “in-love” with God that I’m on this emotional and spiritual high that I haven’t felt in.. FOREVER. Something in me clicked (not snapped, you silly rabbit), and I knew that I was being prepared to be with someone. I believe that to love someone whole-heartedly, one has to love God first because, hello, God is love. I know it sounds cheesy to some but I really believe that. So who cares what the world thinks?!

Now, I don’t know when or where or with whom I’m being pointed towards but, by faith, it WILL happen. Still, I’ll admit it may seem silly at times (even to myself).. Like yesterday, for example, when Archie started to play “The Way You Look Tonight” on his guitar. All of a sudden I blurted out (and so completely out of character that it was quite embarrassing) “Hu-hu-hu!” which I later explained by saying “It’s one of my favorite songs. They’ll have to play that when I get married. Someday.”

Speaking of, here are other songs they’ll have to play during my wedding:

- Ben Folds’ The Luckiest (my bridal march), to be played by a CHAMBER orchestra and not a quartet. No vocals. :) The chamber can leave after that. But that HAS to be my march!
- Our Love Is Here To Stay
- That’s All
- I’m In The Mood For Love
AND, forget how overused and cheesy this song is, The Promise

Poor groom. ;) He certainly has his hands full.

Staring at the wall right in front of my desk, the verse I picked from Kitty’s wedding cake comes into focus. What an appropriate ending for this entry:

So don’t throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. (Hebrews 10:35-36)

I can’t wait.